To Each His Own

Some folks make it their mission in life to change their significant other, family members or friends.   When those close to them don’t measure up to their standards, they feel empowered to reign them in to their way of thinking or doing.  It’s one thing to promote academics, life skills, manners and etiquette to enhance one’s growth and sociability, but quite another to shape their personality and unique character traits into a mini-you.

When it comes to your significant other, author Brittany Wong, in her article, 9 Things You Can’t Change About Your Partner (So Don’t Even Try), gathered a list from the experts: Don’t try to change their relationship with their family-people’s feelings about their own families are deeply ingrained; Learn to accept whether or not they are an introvert or an extrovert- it’s who they are ; Don’t expect to change their anger issues- true change can only come from within and may require professional help; Hobbies- everyone needs a way to de-stress; Religious Beliefs-change will only come from their free choice and acceptance; Time Apart- needing time apart can help to keep a relationship fresh; Planning everything to the last detail- prepare to compromise or live with this; Thoughts on Children- figure this one out before you enter into a committed relationship; Sense of Humor- Sense of humor is a strong indicator of compatibility.

When it comes to your kids, I think the Confident Mom Blog says it best: “Our job as parents is not to re-create ourselves.  That is narcissistic and short sighted.  But many of us do it anyway without even realizing it.  The simple fact is, our children are sentient beings.  They think, they feel, they create, they love. Period.  With or without you, they have that capability.” Living vicariously through our children hampers their ability to grow their own unique personality. We had our chance at childhood whether it was filled with stars or dark matter; it was no less an education on what works or doesn’t work. Foster a space for your children that surrounds them with love, creativity, structure, forgiveness, confidence and guidance.

It’s wonderful to exhibit and articulate your own positive self-image as long as it stays between you and the mirror! Others will recognize your qualities and determine on their own whether they choose to incorporate them into their own self image. It’s all about choice!

Karen Restivo is a Life & Communication Coach and owner of SerenityMatagorda Isle. You can learn more about Karen by visiting her online at or emailing her at

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